In a world obsessed with health, weight-loss, nutrition, superfoods, energy drinks, protein, carb cycling and all the other tracking devices, gadgets, gizmos and paraphernalia that we apparently now need just to go for run in the morning, I have found it hugely enlightening to simply not eat for three days. I have know people who have fasted for health reasons, I have worked and lived within communities where fasting was observed as a cultural and religious practice. But I have never fasted myself. Oh, as a catholic boy were might give up Jam for lent, but this was barely a gesture toward abstinence.
So what happens when a fifty year old overweight man stops eating. I write a micro journal on Linked in for the three days and I have compiled it all here as part of the Driftwood Studio content so that our SubStack subscribers and followers can access the whole thing in once place.
I hope you enjoy this. It was an interesting experiment and I learned much.
Bon appetit!
Day one
entry one
This is the first entry of a three day micro journal.
I am currently looking for a new place to live, and while I am staying with my sister from another mister, she has suggested we do a three day fast.
This is the kind of thing that would ordinarily have hippies and millennials tripping over their chakra polishing wheat grass colonics with glee. When I lived in that Mecca for the erstwhile yoghurt weaver, Hebden Bridge, I bore witness to many a thirty something endlessly de-toxing on a diet of water and crystallized moon grass. I was never quite sure what they were de toxing from because their normal diet seemed to involve mainly quinoa, and I'm pretty sure they only ate that for the pronunciation.
However, I am happy to announce that I have let go my cynical self and am now embracing the benefits of the 'health fast.' I'm not quite sure what those benefits are as yet. For example it is 1.52pm as I write this and I haven't eaten since 9pm yesterday, and all I can say so far is that I am fucking hungry. Everything is starting to look like food and I am barely one day in. I could load myself up with knowledge and delude myself that I can 'feel my energy being purified,' but I fear this would be largely bollocks.
Also, I don't want this to be something heavily researched. Front loading with data will risk skewing the 'truth' of this experience. If I am to experience hunger then I want it to be my experience. If I am so motivated by Wednesday evening then I will do a little research and see if my personal findings correlate with received wisdom. It might be a life changing experience, or it might just be not eating for three days before digging into a special mixed kebab and yard of Stella when the fun is over.
entry two
I was in the garden and saw a flower and found myself salivating. As I fixated on the rusty orange bloom I realized that it wasn't actually the flower that was causing this pavlovian dilemma, but its colour. The color was delicious, the color of caramelized chicken, or a rich paprika and tomato sauce. Yum. I snapped out of this gastro-trance and refocussed. Then something occurred to me that I found to be 'quite interesting.' I had noticed a physical reaction that I normally would never be conscious of. That pavlovian response, the increase in saliva, the narrowing of ocular focus onto the object in question, a sharpening of the senses. All of these ancient brain responses stimulated by a most basic state - hunger.
As you will have gathered, I am not your average 'faster.' Okay, I poke fun at the health nuts and spiritually promiscuous, but the truth be told I am genuinely interested in this experience. I poke fun at people because I am doing something that puts me in a place of vulnerability, and humor is my protective shield. Ever since being bullied at school, I have found that if you can make people laugh then you can survive. But there is a truth here that I feel compelled to confess: I am not entirely happy with my body shape. I have not been for years. It's not a crippling dismorphia that some people are burdened with. It is more of an irritating dullness to my own self esteem. I lack polish. I wish I could shine a little brighter. I am trying to lose weight at the moment and adopt a healthier diet. I am on the cusp of a blood sugar level that would be considered diabetic and I want to change this.*
Now before people start replying and telling me I shouldn't do this, it's not a healthy way to lose weight etc etc. It's three days man - calm down. In fact my main reason for doing this is actually one of discipline and seeing simply if I can put my mind to something that I have never done before. If I can do that, then maybe I can also eat less crisps. Because let me tell you, it is not easy being a middle aged man, slightly over weight and surrounded by hardcore power coaches, rippling with testosterone and swathed in miles and miles of black fabric. I don't want to be that. I am comfortable with who I am in just about every way - I have nothing to prove - but I do want to be healthy and happy, and a little slimmer.
Anyway, I have been writing this for 20 minutes now and I have not felt hunger pangs at all. So I think this micro journal will be my way through and I will continue to share my thoughts over the next three days. Who knows, we might learn some really useful things. Or we might just learn than not eating makes you really hungry.
That's it for now, I am off to enjoy a delicious glass of tap water.
Big love y'all.
*This is not a cry for help or a sales opportunity for any nutritionalists, health coaches or life wizards.
Whittling away the hours
3 Day Fast - Entry Three
There is, or rather was, a large eucalyptus tree at the back of my sister's house. Although, according to the tree surgeon, it was nothing compared to the giants of the Outback. Apparently some of them grow to a thousand feet and have dragons in them. I think he was exaggerating, but Australia is, I have been told, a land of incredible fauna and flora, so who knows - although I understood what margarine has to do with it.
The point is that when the tree came down I got my hands on some of the bark. I have a love of tree bark. It is a quite beautiful part of the tree that often goes unloved, unattended to, usually being discarded or chopped up for mulch. This particular piece of bark was extremely thick, about 10 to 12 millimeters. Once it had dried it coiled into a rather attractive shape and as I had just received delivery of a spanking new carving knife I set to work.
To get the bark to the stage it is at in the picture took three hours with a carving knife, a blow torch, sandpaper, wire wool and some unctuous bees wax. It is not yet finished. I will get it brighter with some more elbow grease and some French polish. "What is it going to be?" asked my sister's Son.
"I don't know," was my honest reply. At this point he lost interest. I assume because it was not something that would play well on social media or bring him any value on his eggs-box, so we left it at that.
But I have realised it does have a purpose. It has been distracting me from food. So far today I have also composed a song on garage band, been for a walk to buy DIY materials for the eucalyptus bark, prepped for an interview tomorrow and written these journal entries. Not to mention the planning and prep I did this morning after waking up at 5.30am. Apparently not eating makes you quite productive. This morning I was putting some finishing touches to a piece of mental health training that myself and Marie Graham are working on. I came across an article about the Default Mode Network. At first I thought this was a Gary Newman tribute band, then I thought it might be some kind of really laid back marketing group. Apparently the DMN is a collection of brain regions which become active when external stimuli drop below a certain level.
When this network is activated we start to drift in our thoughts, our focus is internalised and considerably more fuzzy. My theory is that being active with tasks to focus on deactivated my DMN and I was therefore less concerned with myself and my hunger. Well done brain.
As this experiment progresses I must say I am quite amazed at how ignorant I usually am of my body and its functioning. The desire to eat is not the same as the pang of hunger. The first is a thinking response to a situation, the other is somewhat more autonomic in nature. But I can sense my brain slowly getting the message that we are not eating, and I have actually become less hungry throughout the course of the day. I have been drinking water and teas and coffees, but I can't say I feel excessively hungry.
If anything my energy seems to have increase. I do feel a little giddy and excitable. I wonder what ancient mechanisms I am triggering with this self imposed abstinence. Perhaps the Ascetics have got it right. I am disciplined and this is my reward, to know that I need no reward is enough. Fuck me I'm enlightened.
It is curious how so much of what we call hunger is actually habit. I have found myself idly walking around the house looking at food items and thinking about how I would ordinarily just have a little snack - I am a serial grazer (not a cereal grazer - that's just spelling)- 'a little smackerel of something, as Winnie the Pooh would say in the books of my childhood. How has my relationship with food been influenced by literature I wonder? "if music be the food of love..." etcetera etcetera. Like I said - giddy.
Anyway, all that aside, I think things are going well. We do of course have the night terrors to deal with, but I am sure I can handle that. I do have another piece of bark in the shed so if the worse comes to the worse I can dig into some midnight whittling.
Go well people of the world and enjoy the many flavours of life.
Big love.
Three Day Fast
Entry 4 - day 2
It is 8am and I am just starting to feel the hunger pangs. But they are slight, not gnawing hunger, just a playful slap from my brain to my stomach to remind my mouth to eat. But an executive decision has been made. NO. The frontal lobes are uncharge of this one, FUCK OFF limbic system. Ha, I win.
I am surprised though at how much time is freed up by not eating. From a purely practical point of view, there is no washing up, no shopping, no meal prep, no cooking, no meal planning, no thinking 'what shall we have to eat tonight,' or even in the next five minutes. The rules are we are allowed fluids, so drinks. No we can't have liquidised doughnuts or a Ginsters smoothie. So the only thinking time I have to expend on my digestive systems is: water or coffee or tea?" Apparently we spend masses of time thinking about food and all the rituals that go with it.
Since I have been fasting I have been turning my mind towards what I can do to distract myself. What can I fill this time with? I can go for a long walk and not have to worry about getting home in time for lunch. I can make things, write, spend longer in conversation without wanting to get away because diner needs making.
So the day has just begun and I am feeling confident, I am of course a little hungry, but I am not starving. I feel this is a very important distinction to make. So I will be productive and focussed today.
Let's see how it goes.
More to come.
Three Day Fast
Entry 5 - Day 2
I have worked as a chef, so my relationship with food is complicated. What I mean by that is that I can be a punter and just eat food and like it. I can also be a diner and be critical and more demanding with what I expect. I can also look at food as a set of components in a machine that needs to be assembled in a certain way to provide the best possible profit margin (this is what a good head chef will focus on.) I also look at food as flavors and experiences that excite and bring pleasure. So how do I regard food when it is absent from my day to day routine.
I am aware of the large space around me that has been created by fasting. My sister is now talking about ketosis, which to be honest has always seemed like a distant dream to me.
"Have you ever been to ketosis?"
"Oh no, I could never afford that, I think we'll just go to Bridlington like we normally do. Anyway Greek food doesn't agree with me."
However, with this as an actually possibility, I am now going even more hardcore. I have, to my shame, been having milk in my coffee. The milk is skimmed so little more than white water, but milk nonetheless, squirted from a cow and rich in all kinds of vile and disgusting animal deposits that could be fatal. I honestly do not know how we have survived for so many thousands of years drinking milk and eating wheat. Call Gusto and make me a fucking sandwich.
Anyway, suffice to say, instead of feeling tired and hungry and pissed of as I had expected, I am actually starting to feel a little more energized, focussed and, well, alive. There could be something in this. I am even starting to consider the prospect of a monthly fast, or perhaps fasting when I have a lot of jobs to get done.
Adios amigos,
There will be more.
Three Day Fast
Day two - entry ...whatever
I am now in ketosis, and I feel FANFOOKINGTASTIC. I always thought the wheat grass enema people were deluded in some way. Who'd have thought it. Not buying anything, not paying anyone and not have to plan anything is actually hugely fruitful. All you need to do apparently is make a decision and stick to it. What a life lesson this is. The reflections I have made have been invaluable and that is testament to adopting a reflective practice in life, never mind work. As they say in Yorkshire: "Think on't."
The thought of carbs at this point feels like mild self harm. I have had a little pickling liquor to keep the electrolytes up and am drinking more ginger tea and water. Tomorrow is day three and I will be eating a small breakfast on Thursday. I am going to see if I can stay in ketosis for a few days and continue the experiment.
I walk around the kitchen looking at food and it seems odd. It is redundant and held in stasis in my current state of abstinence.
That's it for now.
I'm going to organise my socks, do the ironing and repaint the hall.
Bon nuit mes amis.
Three Day Fast
Day Three - The Final Entry (possibly)
So here we are. It is now 71 hours and 55 minutes since I last ate. Today has been difficult. I have been tired, slightly disorientated and slightly grumpy. Dave Brown and I had a Driftwood Studio strategy call this morning and it am not sure who found it harder work. But I am at the finish line.
So what have I learned.
First and foremost I have learned that I am far more disciplined than I previously thought. On the very first day there was a moment when I thought I would have a biscuit, just to keep me going. It was a temptation, but I resisted and set my intent. This is the first thing you must do to make a change: SET YOUR INTENT. Start off on the wrong foot and you will fail.
Secondly I have learned that my body is capable of running in its own reservers for much longer than I had anticipated. I have felt more energized and active over the last 48 hours for sure. Today I am aching a bit and this is to be expected, but I am still moving around and getting things done. I have been surprised by how few hunger pangs I have experienced. In fact most of the craving has been coming from my head. Like a toddler tugging at my sleeve my emotional brain has been saying, "have something to eat, eat something, go on, just a snack." But I have recognised these as thoughts rather than actual physiological symptoms.
This brings me to thought number three. So much of my eating is actually a habit or an emotional response. A comforter or an addiction. Right now I am looking forward to a breakfast of avocado and poached egg. A little tobacco on the egg is always a nice little addition. Maybe some wilted spinach on there as well. For the first time in a long time I am genuinely excited by the prospect of eating a very simple meal. I am looking forward to it.
I came into this experience making jokes and side swipes about wheat grass enemas and millennial health nuts. That is just my way of dealing with something new. It is bravado. I joke, I have a laugh because that's how we deal with shit, but as is the way with humor, it reveals a truth. The truth here is that I have learned a new respect for my body, and for my own capacity for change, such is the power of intent. I have given myself permission to take seriously something that has always been a struggle for me. This is my victory.
What next?
I have now made a change, the hard bit now is can I maintain that trajectory. Well, one thing at a time. I will set my intent to repeat this exercise in a months time. I am currently in ketosis and I am going to try and stay there until the 16th August. Three days after this it is a full moon. I will therefore time my next fast to end on the next full moon after the 19th. A full moon in the Celtic tradition represents completion. This seems right to me. After that, who knows, but I think after such a positive experience I would like to repeat this experience and perhaps it will become a new ritual in my life.
So thanks for reading this micro journal and if you would like to talk to me about this in more detail then please get in touch.
Epilogue
I have just been to the shop to buy my avocado for my poached egg and avocado breakfast. It is something I have been looking forward to, and I will therefore take my time. Time is another thing that I have changed my perspective of over the last few days. Cognitively I feel quicker and operating with greater insights. I have exercised discipline and operated from a place of intent and attitude rather than worrying about ‘if’ I will. ‘If’ is irrelevant (unless we are talking about Kipling).
So here are the wins in bullet point form.
My body is able to function on far less food than one might imagine.
Water is life.
Weight, diet and health are outcome indicators for adopting the appropriate intent and attitude.
Even after emotional drivers have been resolved habits can remain.
Much of my eating is habit based.
Anyone can do this. I have worked as chef, I have been overweight for 20 years, I love my food, I love to cook, I am not a wheatgrass enema health nut.
Be supported by someone who knows what they are talking about, whether through experience or training or both.
So there you go.
But there is a big picture here. If we eat twice as much as we need to then how much are we wasting. We could eat half as much and spend the difference on quality, or locally sourced produce. We need a global diversity of culture with localised resources. I’m not saying that everyone should live in a tree and eat berries, but I do believe that some many of the solutions we seek to the challenges we face do not need to be complicated. The one thing we can all have control over for the benefit of all is our behaviour. Change the behaviour, change the system.
I lost 4kg in 4 days just by changing one aspect of my behaviour. I learned much, I got to write a self affirming blog about it and connected with some people. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is SIMPLE.
Love to all.
An enjoyable read David. You have a talent with words. Thank you.