I’m excited. The body remembers. The one thing that is coming through loud and clear is the power of the mind. It is the power of the unconscious mind that creates unhelpful habits and behaviors. But the unconscious mind is unscrupulous, conniving and manipulative. The conscious mind is more direct - at least in this instance this is how it feels to me. Several times today I have though about caving in and having something to eat. But every time my conscious mind says, “But you are fasting.” One could point out that it is my choice to fast and also my choice to break that fast, so what’s the difference?
The difference is that this is two parts of my mind. There is the reactive, childlike, emotive mind saying “go on, eat, it doesn't matter, no-one has to know, just eat something - fuck it - who cares?” Then there is the higher mind saying “you chose to fast, so stick to your decision; you are in control and you are more powerful than these infantile urges.” This is something that was there for me the first time round, but this time it is more in focus. There is great power in self control and self knowledge and this is generated through fasting.
I spoke to a friend at work about my forthcoming fast. Most people ask ‘why?’ Immediately they want to know why a middle aged white man wants to fast. On this occasion thought my friend is a young muslim woman who is used to fasting. Her question was ‘is it for religious reasons?’ Although my answer was no, it did open up a fascinating conversation about religion and fasting. RJ (let’s call her that) was not aware, for instance, that there were fast periods in the Christian calendar. Lent and Advent are both traditionally periods of fasting. However, these are not really observed so strictly as Ramadan is.
RJ also told me about how the experience of Ramadan brings the daily together and is a really special time. This is congruent with my first fast with my ‘sister friend.’ Those three days were fun. We were talking about how we were feeling, we were in the moment together and sharing an experience. On. This occasion I am fasting alone and I am nothing that absence of companionship. I am looking forward to seeing RJ on Wednesday and relating my experience to her as a follow up to her conversation.
But there is something more to this religious or father aspect of fasting. My experience of fasting is that it is a reset. It makes me more aware of my body. It makes me more productive and more focussed. I am also more in tune with my emotions when fasting because I am more present. All of these things are experiences that most life coaches will talk about, but they will rarely mention faith or religion. In a secular society we are so quick to disregard religion as out model, old fashioned, coercive, violent, corrupt or simply irrelevant. But we would do well to be mindful of the fact that religion, faith, belief and spirituality have been a big part of human development for thousands of years - so it can’t all be bollocks can it?
I was raise catholic and even thought I no longer believe in a big man with beard who lives in the sky, I do still try and carry some of the values I learned. Charity for example is an act of the heart. I am not talking about giving money to someone on the street, I am talking about behaving in a charitable way in life. Forgiveness is an important ‘virtue’ that one is taught in the catholic tradition. But this extends also to self forgiveness and the forgiveness of those who suffer and cause suffering. These values were learned through rituals and stories. The stories were all compiled in a big story book called the Bible - you might have heard of it. The rituals were action that sought to manifest the morals of these stories.
Nowadays marketing executives use a similar process to wrap narratives around services and products and activities and all manner of useful things that you simply must have. Yes there is a dark side to religion, but this is because there is a dark and corrupt side to the human psyche. Fasting, I am beginning to think, is a kind of cleansing of these dark thoughts. The beauty of a fast is that it requires absolutely nothing. Yes you will need to top up your electrolytes - but a pit of picking liquor will do that for you. By doing nothing you will feel more alive, focussed, sleep better, spend less money, have more time and achieve something useful; simply by not eating.
So have I got religion? No. I am a modern pagan if anything. I follow natural processes and submit to scientific knowledge for the most part. Creativity is my spirituality and love is a universal constant. Mystery is important in our lives, but we do tend to construct stories to manage our fear of the unknown. However, there are narratives and rituals in many religions which are reflections of deep human truths.
The benefits I get from fasting are not religious. They are physiological, emotional and psychological. But it seems to me that those who do fast for religious reasons will also gain these benefits. We all have something to learn from everything. So as the title suggests, I will continue to be fascinated by this ancient form of self discipline.
Good night.