This is a response to a post by
on the subject of emotions. I was going to post a comment but it kind of got out of control, so here it is.There is a link to the original post at the end.
What I have learned in the last 52 years about emotions
Happy
Is this contentment? Joy? Ecstasy? Pleasure? Happiness is what I would describe as an umbrella emotion. It is too broad to be used in any specific context.
Have you had a happy life?
The answer may well be yes, but does that mean you have always been happy?
On a good day my life all makes sense to me, even the bad bits. On a bad day the whole thing is a car crash and I can’t access the positives, even though they are there. Happiness is a perspective that we see ourselves from - an internal vantage point. Like all vantage points it takes effort to get there and sometimes we have to come down. But that vantage point can be any where and with practice we can get more and more agile at accessing it.
So happiness is contextual. Relative. Happiness is powerfully rooted in childhood. Accessing childhood memories is fundamental to adult happiness, so if there has been neglect or trauma in your childhood then it may hard to find those moments of happiness and contentment, but they are there.
Happiness is a powerful behavioural modifier as well, which means that seeking it can lead to patterns of behaviour that might prevent us from achieving it. Clinically speaking this is “an emotional cluster fuck.”
Basically your are here and this is now - say that to yourself right now. Take a deep breath, draw your focus inwards and with your eyes wide open say in a clear voice:
I am here and this is now.
Angry
Referred to by some as a “secondary emotion”, anger is rooted in pain and fear. These are the emotional drivers behind it (hence secondary). Anger is therefore the ‘expression’ of trauma. It is protective; angry people are trying to protect themselves from something. It is subjective; angry people are experiencing something altogether different from those upon whom the anger is projected.
Knowing this does not make angry people easier to deal with. I was an angry person once: I was a dick. I was in pain and frightened, there reasons for my anger, but I was still a dick. My anger was rooted in a pain that I had tucked away since childhood. It was rooted in loneliness and neglect, so I felt scared. It was the cumulation of trauma triggered by sudden trauma in later life. Confronting this was terrifying, but the healing that took place enabled me to see my anger for what it was.
A wounding.
A sabotage.
A theft.
Sad
I do like the line “sad is happy for deep people.” Following my recovery from PTSD and the fallout it created, I spent many months with my sadness. I came to experience it with more and more acceptance. Feeling sad became tolerable and I learned from this.
Tears are an expression of something, crying is the physical manifestation of release. You are freeing yourself from emotional incarceration when you allow yourself to feel sadness. You are also giving something of yourself. But no wallowing please. Sadness can become addictive to some. Avoid romanticising sadness into an ego state. Sadness may well be “happy for deep people,” but don’t go so deep your forget to come up for air. You are allowed to laugh through sadness, humor can be bitter sweet, and in this way sadness is a versatile and adaptive emotion.
Sadness is a signal to us that we need to be quiet, to rest, to lick our wounds and take care of ourselves. Sadness tells you to slow down, to be at one with your heart and quiet your mind. Sadness is a great teacher. Learn to love your sadness then bid it farewell with gratitude and walk towards something new.
Jealous
This is an interesting old emotion isn’t it, and one of the most destructive. Jealousy activates all kinds of other powerful feelings of rage, vengeance, self loathing, hatred. Jealousy will tear you to pieces if it is left un checked. It is a kind of powerlessness, a sense that you cannot have that which you covert in others.
It feels like an imposition, something being projected on to you, and therefore not your responsibility. That is the trick that jealousy plays. An externalized locus of control indicates a lack of self worth, which is a terrible thing to hear, so best project that pain onto someone else. Jealousy is you pouring poison into a wound then screaming at the world for its cruelty. Jealousy is a cruel and spiteful, self harming emotion. But underneath all that venom there is fragility and grief.
You empower others with your jealousy, raising their status artificially and giving twisted truth to your delusion. A self fulfilling prophecy of your own making - this is the tragedy of jealousy.
There is only one way out of this mental labyrinth: take control. Turn your attention away from the object of your jealousy and work on small wins. Reach out and ask for help and be truthful. Then you will own your own path toward becoming fully human once more.
“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” William Penn
Love
Really, haven’t got a clue. Honestly, what the fuck do I know? Read some Shakespeare or Mallorie Blackman or Shelley or anything other than asking me. I wish I knew, I really did, but there we go. So many different kinds of love. I do know that you need it, and it is the answer to so many problems. But think about how it becomes manifest. By way of example let’s look to that most unpopular of books, The Bible. I am referring to Corinthians 1, 13:13:
And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
But in the New King James version, The American Standard version and others, the words are changed to:
And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
My personal opinion is that the original (“hope”) carries more weight because it defines a behaviour. In charity we see the act of love as an act of grace. It is selfless and without compromise or condition. Love is the potency of the human condition in it most pure form. Just as hate and anger are the potency of the human condition in its most damaged form.
Love is…?
It is simple.
Universal.
Spiritual?
Perhaps.
A mystery?
Most definitely, and maybe that’s the point.
Share it, give it and receive it willingly - but do not confuse it with feelings of power and lust, these are more primeval urges.
Other emotions
Emotions are energy passing through psychological filters. These filters shape said energy into different forms, densities and values. Someone else might say that they are little more than chemical signals, and they would be right - from a scientific perspective. But the important word there is “signals.”
As signals emotions are a form of communication. Not a simple back and forth communication, but non linear communication that exists across time and space. Emotions are all the different versions of you communicating with the current you. Listen to these feelings, learn to allow your body to feel them and express them. If it hurts say “it hurts” and say it like you feel it. Emotions need to be expressed for them to have value. Once they are expressed they are released and you can come back to the moment, because, fundamentally, you are here and this is now.
Remember that?
Emotions are not necessarily there to be figured out or decoded, but they are definitely there to be expressed - to be felt - to be acknowledged and valued, in ourselves and those around us.
Go well and keep writing.
Big love.
DS.
Thank you to for inspiring this post. You can read the original post here:
It’s a pleasure. I see this space as somewhere to share our passions and perspectives. God knows the world needs it.
I really enjoyed reading this! Emotions can be overwhelming and difficult. They can be a bit easier to deal with when we have a better understanding of them and where they’re coming from, and this article clearly defines them :)